the spastics on the telly put me off my mince pie

i looked round to see granny's teeth

"tinsel is a snake" i said, but

they didn't hear me

(over the queens peach-

which rose out of the wrapping

like a statue)



hear me out i say

i'm here with this aftershave what

you've got me

the bottle is a man with a cock

like a toblerone

it's confusing

and smells mainly of

tears

but in a way



it's just what i've always



wanted